Brian Hope Comedy

I am now off the phone, 45 minutes later, from tallking to my Mom. What did we discuss? Text Messaging. How to text message.My nephew in Newcastle wants my Mom, his grandmother (way to do the math meatheads), to text him as he just got a new cell phone. Obviously, a text message going overseas will practically be free – as I continually get bent over by Telus due to my text messaging and my internet. $900 phone bill anyone? Yup, I got one last month. That was fantastic. Oh, my wife and I jumped around and rejoiced! Woohoo! What was my $900 for? Apparently I stayed connected to the internet for 2 days straight. You’d think it would shut itself down….but no, Telus doesn’t. Anyway, I’m blowing guys in the parking lot to make up the extra dough (if you are family and you are reading this…uhh…that’s a joke…..and if you’re not family….meet me in the parking lot). Holy Tangent Batman!So, the T9 (T9 is the auto-spelling on texting to make it easier for you poor saps that don’t have a QWERTY keypad – that sounds really nerdy….)was on my mom’s phone for text messaging. She’s in Kingston and I’m in Toronto so I was trying to explain over our land lines that the T9 was on. She didn’t know how to turn it off. She was trying to recall a message that she had sent to my nephew as, instead of saying “I love you” it said “I loom”. She couldn’t recall it. Why? Why couldn’t she recall it? Two reasons: 1. You can’t recall text messages.2. It was never sent as it was in her Draft items, which I found out 10 minutes later.45 minutes later we got to the menu options. We got rid of the T9. I asked her if it was done. She said yes. Then I said that I had to go. She understood as I nearly lost it quite a few times.And, to make it all sappy at the end, she sent me a text message after we hung up telling me that she loved me. I texted her back letting her know that I loomed her.

I went to Subway last night after I did a comedy show on the Danforth. The guy at Subway was on the phone in the back. I let him know my presence after a minute as no one was coming out. I saw him in the back – he was on his cell phone – he let me know he would be there in a minute. After 5 minutes I could still hear him on his cell phone…..So what would a mature adult like me do? Instead of yelling to the back and cursing this guy, I decided that I would steal. That’s right – a hard-nosed criminal is writing this e-mail.I was standing by the cashier where he couldn’t see me. I placed my arm strategically so he wouldn’t be able to see it and I stole 4 – YES, 4, chocolate chip cookies. The one problem I had was that I was now standing in the store with 4 cookies in my hand and no bag in sight. As he was still on the phone, I decided to go for it. I reached around (that sounds kind of dirty…), got on one foot, and grabbed a Subway bag. Twas very dangerous – especially since they did have a camera in the back. I then left the store, never to enter again.I got back to the car and Kathleen saw the whole thing – she was really proud of me. Well, maybe not.